cl0ckw0rkf0x: (Default)
Last night Joshua Palmatier did a critique of The Eyelet Dove. He's got a trilogy out, so this is a successful, established, published author. I was really excited.

He read the questions i posted in the authors notes and addressed them - it was awesome. He gave me a lot of insight on the lack of emotional involvement in the story, so that I think I have a better idea what to do to fix it, which will mainly mean overcoming my paranoia of being over dramatic.

As to what I could cut to make the story shorter, he said the same thing as several others have, mainly the ones I felt got the story and were paying attention to it. He said he didn't think cutting anything could improve the story, and to expand it into a novel.

So back to the grinding stone. Probably have to make notes first on what needs to be added. The Simone thing is going to be expanded big time, I got a kickass idea of how to play with Maddie's feelings towards the woman dating her crush. I also need to mention the Dove earlier in the story. And the Key coder/watch thing, I was going to introduce the daughter of the inventor as it's delivered, and have Maddie make friends with her. Maybe explain more of the resistance's plans.

I'm rereading the Westmark trilogy for the third time (I loved that one as a teenager; I always fall in love with the main character). It's set kind of in that time period, and it's the start of my fascination for civil unrest and rebellion within a country rather than between two countries. It was really the birth of the Avaline resistance. And my favourite character in Llyod Alexanders books is always the one who dies tragically. (RIP, Adaon and Justin :()


Mar. 8th, 2009 12:58 pm
cl0ckw0rkf0x: (Default)
I'm editing The Eyelet Dove and just realized that Maddie takes her shoes off before she goes to do laundry, but when she escapes, I never mentioned her being barefoot, and surely that would be a concern, and at the safehouse, she takes her shoes off to go to sleep and I never accounted for where those shoes came from! Like ten or fifteen people have read it and not caught that.

cl0ckw0rkf0x: (Default)
I came up with a way better code name for the spy character in "The Hero of Avalice;" it will now be The Eyelet Dove. I was lukewarm about the original, The Lost Dog, as I had wanted a code name that would imply the owner was female, and also, I was trying to think of a code name that might make a good title for the story. But The Eyelet Dove is perfect, and it rolls off the tongue nicely as a title for the story. So "The Hero of Avalice" has now been retitled "The Eyelet Dove." I don't think I've ever been so pleased with a title, even if I stole it from a lingerie store on Academy. Can't copyright names.

I shall send it out now.

Nano Teaser

Nov. 2nd, 2008 08:20 am
cl0ckw0rkf0x: (Default)
I've resisted the temptation to start my Nano novel with a prologue. I had a good idea for one, but I always hate prologues when other people do them, and I invariably cut them eventually when I write them myself. I agonized a while on how to start it, then I read over an article on first lines, and there's three ways of doing it; start with description, start by introducing a character, or start in media res. If you do description, the description has to be completely amazing, and if you start by introducing a character, it has to be an interesting character, and then if you start in media res, which seems to be the expectation these days, and many critiquers deem anything but entirely unnacceptable, where you start has to be somewhere you can slip in everything that's going on, so that the reader doesn't get confused, and has something happening that reveals as much information as possible about the main character, so that you don't have to collapse into exposition explaining a bunch of things.

My two favorite books, The Last Unicorn, and Kushiel's Dart, start with introducing the main character. ("The Unicorn lived in a lilac wood, and she lived all alone."/"Lest anyone should suppose that I am a cuckoo's child, got on the wrong side of the blanket by lusty peasant stock and sold into indenture in a shortfallen season, I may say that I am House-born and reared in the Night Court proper, for all the good it did me.") So I've decided to start it this way.

The Avaline Lieutenant )


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